Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
