Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
