Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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