I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
