I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
