My liver just broke up with me...
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Randomize
