Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
