My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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