Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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