I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
