my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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