New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
50% drunk capacity currently
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
