btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
