The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
