I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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