I just saw a hot homeless man
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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