thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
