Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
