Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
