Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
