AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
