Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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