Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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