We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
