Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize