every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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