So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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