we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
