The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
