I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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