so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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