the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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