I bet he comes in French.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
my poor anus
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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