i don't like sucking hair
Someone shit on the floor
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Randomize
