Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
