is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
