My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Randomize
