note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
