the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
