i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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