I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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