Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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