dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Dick very happy bro
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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