Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
