Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
