His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
