I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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