Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
