Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
