i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
