I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
