You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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