Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize