ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
