dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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