I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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