Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
