I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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