Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
