drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
