so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
