he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
