well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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