I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
