She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
ttyl tear gas
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
